Two years and nearly 2 months ago, I embarked on a journey that turned out to be a lot rougher in the beginning, a lot longer in the ending, and a lot more hard to end.

When Tucker was born, I had no qualms about breastfeeding him.  I figured I had done this twice before (at length) and this would be no different.   I was in for a rude awakening.

The first time I nursed him, I remembered I was laying down.  And, I was tired.  And, I wasn't really interested in seeing he had a good latch, taken he was a few minutes old and probably tired, as well.  So, it was more of a comfort thing for him at that point, I believed.

I wish I had taken more interest in that first latch on.  I really and truly believe that it would have been a lot easier in the frequent subsequent nursings that would take place.

That being said, I was in for 6+weeks of feeling like a washboard every time my son would latch on.  He would cry to eat and my entire being would tense up in fear of imminent pain.  We're talking crocodile tears, here, folks.

The biggest part of this ordeal was this:  I felt like a failure.  I felt like a failure at something that was supposed to be easy.  At something I had done before.  At something I had extensive knowledge of.  At something I figured every woman should be able to overcome.

Sid told me a few nights ago that he was at the point of making me stop and buy formula.  He would say to me, "You can stop if you want to."  And, I would tear up and say, "I can't!  I know too much about it!"  My post-partum and breastfeedingly educated brain would not let me not nurse my child.  I couldn't do it.  It wasn't happening.

Finally, I had to sit down with my books and I said this, "Ok.  I have never nursed a baby before.  What do I do?"  And, I read the book.  That whole "funny" bit from So That's What They're For by Janet Tamaro.  Insert Breast A into Mouth B.  Seriously.  I had to go down the whole list of checkpoints when I'd latch him on.  And, I don't know what it was exactly, but we got over the hump, my sores healed, and we were good to go.  FINALLY!

So, year one came and went and I was told I would have to wean at 18 months about a month before I would need to wean.  Tucker wasn't having any of this "weaning business" and he pitched fits.  And, we caved.  Everytime.

Breastfeeding was not something he has ever been interested in giving up.  Ever.  He is very devoted to his source(s) of nourishment.  Committed.  ATTACHED.

Year Two was coming up and I was told, "You. have. to. wean. him."  I did not want this child to throw a fit and make me feel like the worst mother in the world on his 2nd birthday.  But, I was ready to do it.  Sid said and it really was time.  I was prepped for a long night of crying.  I was prepped to get it over with.  I was nearly ready.

And, Sid being the Mr. Steady that his is said, "You have to wean him soon, but go ahead and taper him off."  And, that's what this last (nearly) 2 months has been.

It's finally down to "wean him this week".  And, I've had two nights of no nursing at all.  Let me tell ya, it's been hard.

I'm ready to have that part of my body back, for myself.  I'm ready to no longer be the size I am.  I'm ready for some reduction from shrinkage of ducts.

But, it's so hard to give up something you've done for 2+ years.  To just have it taken away.

It's been easier than I thought it would be, so far.  He'll come up to me and nuzzle like he wants to nurse and it's like he remembers, "Oh, can't do that" and he'll be on his way or he'll readjust so we can still cuddle.

I don't have anything to base this following statement on other than my three children, but I believe that breastfed babies are the snuggliest.  Maybe not.  But, I think they are.  They smell better, too.

Anyway, Tucker will let me snuggle him at night and he'll drink his cup of water while he is waiting to be put to bed.  He'll go to bed just fine and go to sleep.  He won't crawl up with me and nurse when I'm not looking asleep.  He stays in his bed until morning when he'll crawl in bed with us and waller all over the place and I finally put him back in his bed, but he doesn't ask to nurse.  And, he gets up early because of that and asks for cereal.

Things are going good.  But, I'm really going to look fondly on my memories of nursing Tucker.  It's been a long journey.  It's been hard.  It's been long.  It's been hard.  But, it has been a very rewarding experience.  And, I'm thankful I was indulged for this one.

The end.

I took some old hand towels and ripped the seams out of the ends and then ironed them flat.

Then, cut them into fourths.  And, that makes our 'soaker'.

I also washed and dried all the disassembled diapers so they would fray and shrink up (if they will) and then ironed them and folded them completely in half.  This is opposite to how they were originally folded.

So, here we have our diaper flat and towel insert.

I laid the towel down the middle of the diaper and then stitched it to one side.
I tried just folding the diaper down over the towel insert and it moves, so I want it to stay put.
Towel is stitched in place and we fold the diaper back in half like we want it.

Then, I stitched around all four sides.  I did not turn under any seams or anything.  I'm leaving frayed edges and all.  I may, in the future, put bias tape around the outer edges, should the fraying get too bad, but for now, I'll leave it as is.

All done!

Basically, I put something I believe to be more absorbent in the middle and I made the diaper just a bit bigger.

Tip:  Use a ball point tipped needle for sewing this type of fabric.  It snags really easy.  And, I think my ball point was a tad too small, because it still snagged, but not half as much as it was before I switched to a ball point.

Tucker is sleeping, so no diaper pic for this one.